Mother Goose Hit by Merger Mania
by Arlene Weiss

Mergers have taken over the world.  My very first bank – Bell Federal - has long merged with LaSalle Bank, and now if I want to talk to someone about my mortgage, I have to call Troy, Michigan!   Here in Chicago, Marshall Field’s has been swallowed up lock, stock and barrel by MACY’S – almost bringing on a about second Revolutionary War.

Now, just think about what would happen if some day our beloved Mother Goose comrades should also bitten by the Deadly Merger Bug.  Let’s start off with pretty Little Bo Peep.  The same day she found her sheep, she bumped into her old classmate, Miss Goldilocks, and they immediately went to the home of The Three Bears to do some negotiating.  They are now known as that famous jazz group, Peep, Goldi and the Bears.  Now look at undernourished Jack Spratt.  He and his hearty wife stopped to chat with hard-working Simple Simon as he was going to the Fair.  Quickly they decided to merge, and they made lots of dough selling their wares.  And what about Old Mother Hubbard whose cupboard was always bare?  She moved in with Little Jack Horner while he was relishing his Christmas pie, and they became known far and wide as H&H -- Horner and Hubbard.   Their business grew and grew and soon Old Mother Hubbard no longer had any worries about feeding Fido.  And then that happy trio, The Three Blind Mice, moved into Mother Hubbard’s cupboard, and made a nice comfortable home for themselves, but they continued to squeal an awful lot.

Little Boy Blue blew his horn one day and was overjoyed to discover that his music had led him to find that frolicsome twosome, Jack and Jill; the poor kids got really, really lost as they trudged up that hill.  They decided to get together with Little Boy Blue and thus created Jack and Jill’s Horn of Plenty English Tea Shoppe.  One day the Cat and his Fiddle came over to cheer up Little Miss Muffet, who unfortunately had fallen off her tuffet and then all of them got together and they went over to say hello to Old King Cole, who called on his Fiddlers Three and they incorporated themselves as Music a la Mode and played at the king’s fabulous birthday party.  After quite a bit of trouble falling off a wall, Humpty Dumpty got himself together and limped over for needed rehab to the Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe.  She worked hard to get Humpty completely back to his old self, and he reciprocated by starting up Humpty’s Bedie-By Service -- 24-Hour Care for Tough Toddlers.

Pumpkin Pies International was started by Peter the Pumpkin Eater and Georgie Porgie but Georgie had to promise not to kiss the girls and make them cry.  Now they have branches in Paris, Rome and London.  Of course, in Paris he is allowed to kiss the girls!  One, Two Three Little Indians got together with the Blackhawks and created a gorgeous casino -- named the Call of the. … HEY – STOP THE PRESSES --        Koch Industries has merged with Georgia Pacific, a company that owns practically all of the paper products in America, and probably most of the trees!  Where will it all end?  Who knows?  Maybe tomorrow’s headlines will shout out, “Lake Michigan about to merge with the Atlantic!”

Arlene Weiss

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