MOTHERHOOD, FRIENDS AND CHANGE.
By Gloria Pimentel.
So often when a big change happens in our lives, we keep trying to hold on to the old ways. This includes friends with whom we no longer have very much in common.
Life is made up of many changes and after marriage; motherhood is the most important one. Perhaps the old crowd that we used to hang around with finds it hard to adjust to such a change. So often we are the ones that won’t let go.
Every friend that touches our lives leaves a cherished memory behind. But there is no law that says they must change with us. We have to move on.
Do any of you moms out there feel this way?
I felt that way when I went from being a business woman to a stay-at-home mom. I’m a leader and when my merry-go-round was going around and around nonstop; I had no time to notice that people look up to leaders, and follow them, only until they find their own strength.
When I left my position to be with my children; I could no longer fulfill my old friends and acquaintances’ needs. Why? Because I had a need of my own and this need was different than theirs. It was then that I had to fight feelings of worthlessness, depression, rejection, and loneliness. I never expected for things to change around me so drastically. I had to face the fact that I had never made any provisions to be a follower. I had been too busy leading, unaware that I was tired of it.
How did my problem get solved?
First, I stopped apologizing to myself and to others for leaving my career to be a stay-at-home mom. Then, I grabbed my two little ones and took them to the park. I sat and played with them and ignored everything else that was going around me. I refused to take the lead in my new play. Sooner or later someone had to approach me and whoever that person was, I had absolute faith, we would be great friends.
It didn’t happen for three weeks but towards the end of the third week, Martha approached me. We connected right away and she invited me to her church.
A new phase in my life began. I learned with her that friendship is not about who takes the lead but rather about sharing and meeting in the middle. We came from different walks of life, Martha loved the Beatles and I love Mozart so we learned to compromise. But the greatest part of that friendship was that we never failed to be there for each other when things got rough.
Let go of the past and look ahead into the future. Accept that your priorities have changed. It is time to visit new gardens and pick different flowers.
And while you cope with the changes and wait to find that special friendship, get to know your most loyal friend: Yourself.
First published in Mommy Tales.
Gloria Pimentel was born in the Aztec land, came to live in California at a very young age and grew between two cultures. She took up writing in 1999 and since then, many of her poems and short stories have been published on the internet. She is married to an Irishman and his culture has further enriched her life. John and Gloria share their love for poetry and literature in general. They have two married children, two grandsons and enjoy many hobbies including traveling. She is the poetry editor for Long Story Short, a Women Writers' Showcase. Contact Gloria