We Owe Men an Apology
Louise Sutherland
Have you ever said to yourself "What is wrong with him?" I believe every women has said this statement about the man or men in her life at one time or another. I was single for ten straight years and in those ten years I only allowed men to get as close to me as I dictated. I was a single Mom with three girls working, going to school and trying to make ends meet, so I really did not have the time for a real relationship. I would date for a while until I saw a flaw or until he realized that we were not going to indulge in sex and that was the end of that. You see I had been in two long-term relationships that did not work because something was definitely wrong with the men. They did not understand me or appreciate what I had to offer. I went through the hurt, anger and the unbelief for years. So, I decided that my children and I would live happily ever after without a man around.
As the years passed and my girls became young woman, my outlook about relationships began to change or you can say I just did not enjoy being alone. My life was good, I enjoyed my job and the freedom of coming and going whenever I wanted and school was almost done. I found myself looking at men and wondering if this one or that one would work, you know like I was buying an appliance but the only difference was that if I returned it I would not get a full refund of the time and energy that was put out. Until one evening it happened I met someone who was not my average type but I decided to give him a chance. An old friend of mine invited me to a cookout at her house; you have to know that being single all these years meant that I did not go out much. This invite was more for her than me because we had to catch up on old times. My outfit was very becoming, it was a red tennis dress with matching red sandals and a small purse.
As I entered her home there were very few guests and I began to help out with preparing some food and in walk two tall handsome young men. My friend introduced us as I continued to cook. My niece was going to her prom on this night and I promised her that I would be there so I left the cookout to go see her off and promised that I would return. As I rode to my sister's house the night was getting late and I decided to go home after seeing my niece off but as I drove it was as if the car started to drive in the direction of my friend's home and I followed. When I returned the cookout was a packed house of 70% men and my insecurities began to surface. I decided to have something to eat and just leave but I could not find a place to sit and eat in the yard. I was standing almost in the center of the yard turning my head around to look for a seat when a voice said Hey would you like to sit here?
One year later one of those tall handsome men became my husband and I found myself saying, what is wrong with him? He would leave the toothpaste top off, the toilet seat up, could not remember where he put his keys, items would land high up on top of things, one part of the house became his and he never talked much! Okay, somebody help me! I loved this man but I had never lived with this kind of person and it was driving me insane. People would ask me what is marriage life like and I would say I'm adjusting. My husband has a scar over his left temple, it happened when he was a child and I would blame everything that he did on that scar. In my mind that was the reason he did some of these strange actions that I could not understand. I never realized that he was probably thinking the same thing about me. Why do we think that people should act, think, dress, live the same way we do? We never seem to realize that everyone is different individually and genders. Did you know that the female has twice as many nerve endings in the skin as a male? Did you know that in the brain where we store memory, men have fewer nerve endings connecting the two hemispheres? The logical and emotional sides are not as closely connected as in women. Males think in terms of fact and in a straight line but females think like a grid, she picks up more detail than males. He can't see beyond the facts but we as women can perceive, analyze, evaluate and see relationships between things all at the same time. We think all over the place. The creator made us different but he did this to balance out each other and in this way two will become one. The word become in the statement is a key word because to become something takes time and effect. In most relationships the male does not know the female's true needs and vice versa.
As I began to learn the make up of my husband I realized we were different and also that I looked at males to function the way that I did but they couldn't because the creator made them to function in a totally different way. We need each other's differences to accomplish the plans that the creator gives each male and female who come together as one. After reading about the needs of the male and female I knew that it was nothing mentally wrong with my husband and I owed him an apology. One day I came home from work and he was in the kitchen making some phone calls, I waited until he finished and I said, Honey, I am so sorry.
My husband had a blank look on his face and I continued to give him the information first because I realized he would understand the emotional side later, he needed the facts first. I began to tell him how I thought he was weird, crazy and strange until I researched the needs of males and females. He was so interested in knowing more about himself and his wife that he wanted to read some of the information that I shared. This last year of our marriage has been less stressful than the three before because I understand our communication differences. I am also willing to except the face that he thinks, acts and responds differently and that's just the way it is. So many promising relationships have gone bad just because they did not except each other’s differences or they did not understand the other person's purpose and design. Find out how your spouse communicates and also how you do. See if you balance out each other but never assume something is wrong because they don't respond like you would. This evaluation can free you from being judgmental about the males in your life, like your father, brother, friend, etc. Just take a few minutes and ask yourself, What male in my life do I owe an apology?
My name is Louise Sutherland. I am a 46-year-old freelance writer who love to read children's books. I am now working on getting my first children's book published. My love for writing started as a young child when I would write pretend stories to read to my friends. I have been married to a wonderful man for four years and I have three beautiful daughters ages 30, 26, and 19 and my cat of 15 years, Peaches. My goal in life is to write uplifting and positive literature for people who enjoy reading. Contact Louise.
