Watching Over Them
by J.A. Laraque
They stand over me, the ones that knew me in passing. Remembering my laugh and the stories they told. They were unaccustomed to seeing me so quiet, without words to say they can do nothing but look. If I could I would tell them to turn away, tell them to take their fondest memory of me and hold on to that. There is no reason for them to poison their thoughts of me by the images of how I am now. They believe they are helping me, showing me their support. All I want is for them to leave and only think of me when a joyful moment arises. That would be my final request if I was able to ask them for one.
They sit with me, all my closes friends and loved ones. Kind words are spoken as the watch over me. Believing that perhaps another day will come for me they fool themselves and others like them knowing they will never speak to me again. Though the good and the bad most of them have stood by me, any ill will I may have deserved has been washed away as if cleansed of my sins by God. A support system for my family and I that goes far beyond obligation they know they were loved and because of that they share in my pain.
They cry for me, my family that knows every ounce of who I am. To look upon someone whom they had known all their life, to see them in this state causes a damage within them that will never be healed. Those that are older will wish they could take my place and mean it with compassion that no one else could ever understand. Those that are younger will look upon me with fear wondering if there was any possible way my fate could have been avoided. Bringing everyone together in tragedy will strengthen the family. They will be honest in their stories about me. It is in the truth of my success and failures that will help them deal with their loss. Seeing them causes a pain within me that I cannot escape until the end comes.
She will never leave me, any secrets I held from everyone else I gladly told to her. My image will flash in her mind every time she closes her eyes. It is agony to think most of those images will be of me as I am right now. Whispers into my ear reveals exactly how she feels and there is no way for me to respond. Her touch can no longer be felt on my skin, but I remember exactly how it feels. There is so much I should have said and now my words will never be heard again. She prepares herself the best she can, there are no delusions, she knows it will only get worse from here. Times such as theses I wish I could tell her to walk away and let me be. No matter how much I fight I cannot return to her and to see her as I wait for death to claim me is worse than death itself.
I wait for the end; they told everyone that I could not feel anything. Physically they are correct, but whether in my mind or my soul or both I still feel pain. Watching the tears roll down their faces I feel horrible for putting them thought all this. Having your loved ones watch you slowly die must be a glimpse of hell because I do not know what could be worse. While the imprint of my life may have brought joy to some, the stain of death will have a devastating effect on others. If I could take that away I could truly die in peace, but I cannot. All I can do is watch them, a prisoner in my own body. These people are victims; my crime was not having a quick death.
Soon the light will come and finally I will be allowed to leave. Until then I look on as the faces come and go and to each one I apologize.
J.A. Laraqueʼs work has been featured multiple times at Hackwriters.com and has also been published on several literary websites including The Green silk review, Static Movement, The Cynic Online Magazine, The Ranfurly Review, Frequency Magazine, Mojito Magazine, Sketchy Premise, Obscure Internet, Helium, Palibra and Something Awful. Having started his writing carrier only two years ago he works on his craft with various writing communities such as, the next big writer, Zeotrope and Critique circle. After writing three novels his hopes are to have them published. He has recently tried his hand at screenplay writing and has written for several casting directors. His over-all goal is to improve his skill in order to share his imagination with anyone willing to take a moment and open their mind. Contact J.A.