Humorosity #29 by Honeydew Zubari

NANOWRIMO JOURNALS, THE SEQUEL

(Humorosity #29)

by Honeydew Zubari

Yes, folks, I did it again. Spent an insane but totally fun month snarfing cookies and typing until my fingers bled. This year the flu paid a visit and the cats earned their keep and my support team reached the end of his wits. But where will I be next November? You’d better believe it!

Tuesday November 1 WC 1681

Day one: To reach 50K in thirty days, will have to type 1700 words/day. No problem, am a typing fool! Was going to start at midnight but groggy after festive Halloween festivities, i.e. massive consumption of candy. Went to bed, prepared for sound sleep and early rising. Early rising happened at 3:00 a.m. when heard a crash in back room. Grabbed closest weapon, portable phone on nightstand. Can use as a club or poke prowler in eye with short antennae.

Found both cats staring under daybed, either burglar hiding there or, gulp, mouse.

Got out of there fast, slept rolled in blankets. Had nightmares about giant rodents eating favorite leather boots. Disruption caused me to wake at 11:00 a.m., five hours later than planned. After donning Army boots with pants tucked into the top, finding a spatula and all manner of mouse-battling weapons, settled in to start on book.

5:00 p.m. - Support team has arrived. Chapter one finished, or rough draft that one day might resemble something readable.

Support team scoffed about mouse, but screamed plenty loud when he found it. He also neglected to make cookies, good thing he brought chocolate cupcakes as peace offering. Hate to fire him on first day.

Wednesday 11-2 WC 4556

Mostly finished chapter Two. Stretching reality, but will worry about that later. No cookies today, support team in deep doody.

Friday 11-4 WC 10628

Started morning right, slept till noon and ate power breakfast of blueberry frozen waffles and Swiss cheese. Brain food. Have gone through e-mail and two diet Cokes, am ready to finish chapter three. Have to get back to regular wake/sleep hours. Only know what day this is because computer tells me so.

Sunday November 6 WC 15825

Past one-quarter point of word count and am halfway through Chapter Six. Support team brought more cookies this afternoon. Ate a bag of baby carrots for dinner. Yes, nutritious and delicious.

Sunday November 13 WC 24087

After week of deathly plague and dire illness (AKA flu), managed to finish chapter seven. Can’t think straight to figure out word count, will go with “behind originally planned”. Still headachy and smells of condo make me nauseous. Typing with a turtleneck pulled over nose helps. Do they have dispensations for flu victims in rules? Like anything we manage to turn in counts triple? Actually, somehow have nearly hit halfway point. Maybe typing while delirious pays off.

Gack, what’s that smell, decomposing mouse? No, laundry detergent. Think am going to be sick anyway.

Monday November 14 WC 27972

So tired, must take nap. Nearly at the 30K mark, all will be easy-breezy from here on out.

Tuesday November 15 WC 32366

What day is this? Is it still November? What time is it? Ack! Can’t stop typing, even type in sleep. Somebody throw me a storyline, am sinking fast. On plus side, characters did have sex. Totally unplanned, but they wanted to go at it like rabbits so put words down on paper for posterity’s sake. Steamy love in August humidity, what a way to warm a November night.

Thursday November 17, 2:42 a.m. WC 35593

Aargh, why am I still awake? It’s tomorrow. Finished chapter ten at last, took a long time as typed in zombie mode. For chapter eleven will try reverting back to “functioning gray matter” mode. That worked for first nine chapters. Sigh. And I type on. Even faithful cats have given up waiting for me to warm the bed for them. Do they care that in the past week I’ve slept three hours? Noooo. Ingrates.

Friday November 18, 1:36 a.m. WC 37358

Word count is creeping up, halfway through chapter eleven now. No idea what the bleep’s going on, but having fun anyway. Have put myself in the MC’s shoes and am going along as if the mystery were happening to me instead of being orchestrated by moi, Sue the author. Maybe there’s a madness in my method. Or maybe is sleep deprivation. Am seriously low, having been awakened before six o’clock every morning by rested cat who sleeps all day anyway. That’s after dragging sorry self to bed around three o’clock. My butt is getting calluses from such long hours in the chair. My fingertips are calloused from long hours typing as fast as they can produce things to type. My brain is calloused…see a pattern emerging here?

Conked out on the keyboard, cool! Hard drive jumped a foot off the file cabinet, made noises like a percussion section.

Have eye strain from trying to read the fine print on the backs of eyelids. Hahahaha, tired author humor there.

1:40 p.m.: chapter eleven finished. WC 38851. Halfway through chapter twelve should break the forty thousand mark. Then a mere ten thousand words to go, simplicity! NOT. Fingers are bleeding, have worn out a keyboard with insane typing. If drink any more diet Coke will get red wavy stripes running down sides of body. But more cookies are on the way this afternoon when the support team gets off his other job, the not-taking-care-of-my-every-need job that is. Haven’t gained weight, although sweatpants getting bit snug. Oh well, the extra layer of blubber is insulation throughout the endless winter ahead.

Saturday November 19 WC 40438

Hit the 40K mark in chapter twelve! Also had wild animal sex in chapter twelve, but that’s less interesting.

Am booking with this book—haven’t run out of ideas yet. Knock wood. What is November if not spent in a half-daze? Less than ten thousand words and the rest is gravy.

12:30 a.m., and the WC is 42623. Finished chapter twelve and am debating whether to go to sleep or start thirteen. Tomorrow is support team’s mother’s Thanksgiving dinner, that will eat a chunk out of day. Too big a chunk, but can’t be anti-social. Sigh.

Tuesday November 22 1:16 a.m. WC 49113

Ooh, so close can taste it, but am exhausted and literally can’t type another word. More than halfway through chapter 14 now, so in a couple of paragraphs will have 50K! Then rest is gravy. Mmm, gravy, on turkey and stuffing. Thanksgiving on Thursday; having met goal can retreat to mountains and relax.

2:10 p.m.: WC 50421. Whoop whoop! Did it with eight days to spare. Everything from here on out is pumpkin pie. Groovy gravy! Excuse me while get another diet Coke and pat myself on back. Yay team! Goooo Sue!

Wednesday November 23 WC 53743

1:03 p.m.: Just finished chapter fifteen. Doing good! Chapters are harder to write now that actually have to include some plots and sub-plots. Who is the murderer? What will happen between hunk and MC? What will her friends think of him? Will the bruises ever go away? Tune in for chapter sixteen to maybe answer some or none of the questions.

Tomorrow is thanksgiving--off to the mountains for two days, tra la la. It’s supposed to snow, will be tramping around getting frostbite. But there’s all the pumpkin pie I can eat and a Jacuzzi in the cabin. And a fireplace. Can flop in front of it like a lazy cat, only moving to switch sides when one starts to roast.

Friday November 25 WC 56987

Finished chapter 16 today, despite being bloated like a Macy’s parade balloon from all thanksgiving food yesterday and pumpkin pie, pumpkin roll and pecan pie today. Urp.

On to chapter seventeen. And plot is thickening like gravy. Gravy…yum.

Saturday November 26 WC 60847

Broke the 60K mark with ease, and still four days left of the contest to give book in for an official count. Must…keep…going.

Monday November 28 WC 68240

2:46 a.m., finished chapter twenty! Finished the book!! Now I have to give it to the official word counter on the Nano site and I’m done the contest. I wrote an entire book in twenty-seven days, two hours & forty-six minutes. Whoop whoop! The last chapter is short, it’s a wrap-up. So awesome, amazing. I deserve to eat twenty cookies now, one for each chapter in my newly-finished book. Yes, I am super writer! Da da duuum. I have the stamina of a burro. The fortitude of a goat. The bags under my eyes of a blood hound. A week of sleep and I’ll look ten years younger. Now it’s time to turn my thoughts to Christmas shopping. Mall anyone?

Nanowrimo rocks! Next year I want everyone reading this article to join in and slog along with me. I’ll personally send daily letters of support to anyone who signs up. Start sharpening those pencils, November 2006 is only twelve months away!